


Tumblr Collected Works (NSFW)

by TheRoseCladDemonDoctor



Category: Hellsing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-19
Updated: 2018-11-19
Packaged: 2019-08-26 03:03:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 3,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16673491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheRoseCladDemonDoctor/pseuds/TheRoseCladDemonDoctor
Summary: A collection of NSFW writings from my Tumblr. All chapter notes are going to be the initial text from each post.





	1. Anderson NSFW Headcanons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A collection of NSFW writings from my Tumblr. All chapter notes are going to be the initial text from each post.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "some nsfw headcanons about our favourite priest? >.> "
> 
> After talking with Medz about it, I decided to try and tackle this for you!

So, this big, brawny priest is SUPER starved for contact. Like, holy crap. Being in the Catholic Church for the majority of his life, and in the role of a priest, means he has not had any fun in years, if not decades. He tends to pray most of his desires away.

If you can get under his shell and (more importantly) into his bed, you’ll find yourself a partner who cannot keep his hands on you. It doesn’t matter what body shape you’ve got, what bits you’ve got, this man will be so touchy-feely it’s unreal.

Once things get hot, Mr. Angel Dust quietly mutters prayers under his breath. “Lord, mae ye bring thae souls o’ meself and me lover unto yer salvation…,” crossing himself when you start undressing in front of him.

Every part of this man’s naked body is sensitive. Kiss his hairy stomach or his thighs and listen to him start praying faster because dear GOD is he getting hot.

Despite his fearsomeness, he’s an incredibly gentle lover and will ask for your approval with every little thing he does,

Absolutely no nun kink, under any circumstances. His time in the Church has led him to equate feelings towards nuns with extreme sin, so trying to put on a nun’s habit is the fastest way to get him in his clothes and out of the bedroom.

Because he’s so deprived, for the first few sessions he’ll be a very quick shooter, but you can count on that improving as he gets used to actually being pleasured. In addition, since it’s doubtlessly been so long since he’s had sex, expect him to be very inexperienced. Worst case scenario, you might have to teach him all over again.

Since the Church is so painfully vanilla, Anderson vastly prefers the missionary position and its derivatives, but he’s so attentive, warm, and gentle that it’s a very pleasant experience.

This man has a praise kink from HELL! He loves being told he’s doing a good job, how beautiful he is, etc. If you can think of a positive thing to say to him, he’s yours.

I apologize if these aren’t what you were expecting, but they’re certainly what I think when I see that big fuzzy man.


	2. Alucard NSFW Headcanons

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Alucard nsfw headcanons pls"
> 
> Today… Has been a PRODUCTIVE damn day!
> 
> I will acknowledge there’s a lot of different perceptions of Alucard’s personality, so I hope these are to everyone’s liking.

Expect this man to be really reserved about getting down and dirty with you, since he’s of vastly greater power than yourself. It would probably take a lot of convincing that no, he won’t accidentally kill you.

Would probably spend the entire time in his human form so as not to freak you out too much. Unless he knows you’re into the freaky-deaky stuff, in which case, out come the dark tendrils.

Boy oh boy can he put that tongue of his to work! He loves getting between your legs and finding out what sort of cute noises you make when he’s working you over.

If he gets even the slightest hint that you’re turned on by how powerful he is, he will waste no time in reminding you of that during every second he spends in your bed. Possibly with the occasional flash of his darker forms. “You humans are so… Frail. Especially you. You really do like putting your life on the line, don’t you?”

I will bet actual money that he secretly loves being dominated, but you will NOT get him to admit it without some serious prodding. Force him to call you “Master” and watch his face turn shades of red you’d never thought a vampire could manage. However, fully expect him to hide his enjoyment of the situation behind jokes and puns, especially if he’s being tied up. These jokes don’t mean he isn’t loving it, it’s just his nature.

He definitely likes doing inappropriate stuff in inappropriate situations. If one (or both) of you are wearing a vibrator out on a mission, or worse, while talking to Integra, expect him to be all over you the second you’re alone together.

Alucard absolutely swears when he’s being pleasured, whether you’re teasing him or full-on going down on him.

Just because he sleeps with you doesn’t mean he won’t tease you if you have trouble keeping up with him. “Hmm, I should have expected you’d tire so quickly. You ARE only human, after all.”

If you’re really, really close to him, he’ll let you wear his coat during or after sex. He claims it’s because you look cold but really he just loves the way the red (or black) coat looks draped around your too-small torso.


	3. Hellsing Turn-ons Headcanons

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Can you do headcanons of turn ons and turn offs for the Hellsing members? "
> 
> Now THIS was a challenge! I tried really hard to keep these relevant to everyone’s characters so I apologize if they come off as out-of-character.

Integra:

Turn ons:

Despite how straight-laced she is, she secretly loves it when her partner is rebellious or defiant. Letting her dominate you, forcing you to call her “Master.” Probably her biggest fantasy is getting eaten out during a meeting with the Council of Twelve. Feeling her up, fingering her, or eating her out while she’s trying to do paperwork.

Turn offs:

Anyone overly loud. Dislikes anyone too clingy. Doesn’t like being pushed or forced into doing anything, so anyone too overly forceful is a no-go. Hates having her hair pulled, she puts a lot of work into it. Hates it when her suit gets messed up, so while you can feel her through it, if you wrinkle it or scratch her suit, she’s done for the night.

 

Alucard:

Turn ons:

Run your hands through his hair, pull it, grab it, he loves having it messed with. Enjoys

being dominated, getting forced to call you “Master.” Respects strength, so any display of physical prowess or fortitude from a human is guaranteed to get his motor running. Just being a human who’s attracted to him despite his vampirism is a huge turn-on. Seeing his partner wearing his red (or black) coat, especially if they’re shorter than he is.

Turn offs:

Anyone cruel or outright evil, who commits violence for the sake of being violent. Dislikes when people give him no respect for what he is. Can’t stand people who complain about things they won’t fix, or who are overly whiny in general. Whatever you do, DON’T touch his coffin! Don’t be a 15th-century Ottoman Turk.

 

Seras:

Turn ons:

Fondling her breasts. Loves having her thighs worshipped as they deserve. Neck kisses are a big hell yes, and she vastly prefers getting them (she’s scared she’ll lose control and bite her partner, so it’ll take a lot of effort to get her to give them). Loves someone who’s just as shy as she is, regarding sexual things. Loves it when people whisper or moan her name.

Turn offs:

Any romantic or sexual displays in public, she’s very shy about these sorts of things. Under no circumstances do you lay a hand on her butt. Similar to Alucard, she hates people who are cruel for no reason, though she has a much more loose definition of cruel being that she’s a nice person. Don’t try to get her worked up in an inappropriate situation (i.e., at work, on a mission, etc.) because she’ll shut that down.

 

Walter:

Turn ons:

If he’s Old!Walter, loves it when someone doesn’t care that he’s old or that tells him how beautiful he still looks. Strongly enjoys when his partner begs, especially if he’s younger. Loves tying up his partner because it reminds him of the days when he got to use his razor wire regularly. Appreciates anyone with a strong vocabulary (seriously, speak a five-syllable word to him and he gets flustered). Anyone who talks to him in a British accent, real or otherwise.

Turn offs:

Teasing. Hates being compared to others, especially Alucard. Dislikes anyone without good hygiene. Anyone without good manners or who is otherwise uncouth is not going to get any from him. If he’s Old!Walter, doesn’t like comments about his age, even jokingly.

 

Pip:

Turn ons:

It’s easier to list what DOESN’T turn this man on. Speaking French to him, if you’re not French, is the biggest one. This man LOVES body curves, so chubby waists and thick thighs are a major yes. He’s the opposite of Integra regarding his hair; he makes it long on purpose and he loves when people play with it or smell it. Loves anyone with short hair, it’s an odd little turn-on knowing he has longer hair than his partner. Also enjoys a shorter partner, though he won’t complain if they’re taller than him. Loves it when people kiss down his stomach towards his crotch. Any fetishes you have that aren’t overly disgusting, he’s probably okay with.

Turn offs:

Nazis. Insulting him or French people in general.


	4. Iscariot Turn-ons Headcanons

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Turn ons and turn offs for the Iscariot members maybe? "
> 
> This one was a bit of a challenge! I apologize that there’s not much for Heinkel and Yumie, they get such little characterization that it’s hard for me to come up with anything for them. Hope you enjoy!

Father Alexander Anderson:

Turn ons:

Shares a praise kink with Maxwell; the surest way to get a rise (haha) out of this big bear of a man is to tell him all the things you love about him. Loves someone good in a fight, seeing his partner tearing through the supernatural beings and heretics with all the same zeal he has means the both of them are gonna end up in bed later. Much of his body is really sensitive to touch, so running your fingers over his legs or stomach is the surest way to get the poor guy breathing heavily.

Turn offs:

NO. NUN. OUTFITS. He equates nuns with a kind of spiritual and ideological purity that he himself doesn’t have, so trying to “taint” their image is gonna make his libido shut down. Similarly, no sexual activities in the confessional or at the pulpit; any and all sex is gonna happen as vanilla as possible, in his bedroom or yours. Strongly dislikes bondage.

 

Enrico Maxwell:

Turn ons:

Contradictory to his Catholic beliefs, he’s secretly turned on when his partner commits a sin - something as small as telling a lie to something as big as murder - he’s a bit egomaniacal so he loves the idea of being more pure than his partner. Has a massive praise kink, he’s extremely turned on by his partner telling him everything good about him. A fan of religious dirty talk - i.e., where he seductively whispers to his partner how filthy, impure they are, and how they’re going to hell. If his partner pretends to get on their knees and pray to him, he’ll be ready to go right then and there. Unlike Anderson, Maxwell is very much turned on by his partner dressing as a nun or another priest. REALLY enjoys it when his partner touches themselves in front of him, especially if he’s telling them to do so.

Turn offs:

Very much like Integra in that he abhors having his hair played with; those luscious white locks are more valuable than his partner’s life, to him. Anyone overly defiant or who refuses to recognize his obvious greatness isn’t going to get any from him.

 

Heinkel Wolfe:

Turn ons:

They get really turned on seeing their partner holding, maintaining, or using guns, or handling weapons while in a state of undress. Has a gun fetish in general, giving them a new gun or telling them its capabilities is gonna get them to blush like mad.

Turn offs:

Doesn’t like when a person gives no respect to them or their skills. Strongly dislikes vampires and protestants like most of their fellow Iscariot members.

 

Yumiko Takagi:

Turn ons:

Like Heinkel, has a fetish related to her weapon; specifically, bladed weapons in general. Secretly loves the thrill of battle, would absolutely be all over her partner as soon as she returns home from a mission.

Turn offs:

Anyone who badmouths her fellow Iscariots or herself. Dislikes supernatural beings, Protestants, pagans, basically any non-Catholic person.


	5. Hellsing Foreplay Headcanons

Integra:

The head of the Hellsing Organization is an EXPERT in teasing. She’ll gladly whisper dirty talk into her partner’s ear, even when they’re both supposed to be working, which serves to get her and her partner riled up for later. Her ideal foreplay to receive from her partner is being felt up through her clothes, especially at her desk, while walking, or in a meeting. Light, gentle fingers across her thighs, ass, or breasts (if you’re feeling particularly brave) is enough to bring a deep blush to the stoic woman’s face.

 

Alucard:

Alucard is a big fan of the whole “interplay of sex and violence” thing. Fight and win, especially if you’re on his side, and that’s enough to warm him up for anything. If he’s the one giving the foreplay, he’ll be stellar at giving oral. Seriously, with that tongue, expect the No-Life King to rake it up your thighs slowly and across whatever bits you’ve got, all the while whispering things to you about how you’re getting head from the deadliest vampire in the world.

 

Seras:

Given how little experience this Draculina has had, if any, she’ll be absolutely garbage at giving any type of foreplay. You’d absolutely have to take charge and get her warmed up first. That being said, any playing with her breasts or thighs, squeezing, kissing, licking, etc. is her ideal. Neck kisses, or sloppy kisses in general, are also a favorite.

 

Walter:

Like Alucard, he’s got enough experience over the years to know how to please a partner. He’s very thoughtful in foreplay, preferring to give than to receive, and is one of the best with his sensual massages. Preferably laying his partner down and tenderly running his hands over their nude form, massaging with enough skill to elicit an occasional gasp. If he’s on the receiving end of foreplay, he’s very tame, with just a few kisses to his jaw and neck being enough for him.

 

Pip:

This wild bastard has traveled the world and contains enough sexual knowledge to work over just about anyone. He’s extremely adaptable (let’s face it, this man is dirty), and is willing to give or receive just about anything you’d enjoy. He’s more than willing to get on his hands and knees and give his partner a little professional oral worship, whispering sweet nothings to them in the language of love. And if you hold his head down as he does it, running fingers through his long hair and speaking your dirty talk in French; that right there is his absolute dream foreplay.


	6. Hellsing Seduction Headcanons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Doctor, I have a need. A mighty need for headcanons about the Hellsing members seducing a crush. Gimme a fix, doc, I’m beggin ya. "
> 
> Bonus points for being the funniest ask I’ve received by far. I took this a step further and made a mixture of headcanons and scenarios for each Hellsing member.

Alucard:

“I’ve been… Intrigued by you, for so long. Now, I must have you for myself. Surely you could spare a night to spend with one such as myself?” Utters this as he steps in front of his crush as they walk through the manor after a long day at work. Straight to business, putting a hand on their shoulder and gazing into their eyes seductively. Definitely doesn’t use his vampiric powers to entice them, though. He’s above all of that.

 

Integra:

More the type to interrupt her crush in the middle of their doing paperwork, telling them they could stop for the day. As they doubtlessly protest, citing their workload, she hushes them with a gloved finger to their lips. “More than anything, right now, I need you. I must have you. Your paperwork can wait. Your boss needs some more… important help… Elsewhere.” With a gesture to her crotch and an unbuttoning of her suit jacket.

 

Seras:

Way, WAY too shy to do anything with the same level of confidence as Integra or Alucard. Would probably walk up to her crush during their rare free time, or at night. Definitely stuttery, having a hard time spitting out what she wants to do with them. “Umm… I… W-would you mind… If you want, I mean… C-could we, maybe… You know… “ Devolves into awkward hand gestures as she tries to get across to her crush exactly what she’s asking them to do.

 

Walter:

Surprises his crush with a full three-course meal and a bottle of champagne, just for the two of them, because he’s classy like that. All made by himself, of course. They tuck into the food and he reaches under the table, gently brushing his fingers across the top of their leg. “Oh? My apologies… You’ve caught my eye, it seems. Would you give this old man the pleasure of bedding you tonight? It’d be a great honor.”

 

Pip:

The absolute cheesiest seduction they’d ever see in their lives. An anonymous letter given to them, telling them to meet in one of the bedrooms of the Hellsing Manor. Full-on trail of rose petals leading them to the spot. Waits in the bedroom, wrapped up like a Christmas present with cloth and ribbon covering all of the important bits. Looks entirely too proud of himself when he sees the blush on their face, and speaks to them in French. “Voulez-vous coucher avec moi, ce soir?”


	7. Alucard Masturbation short-story

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "HC for how Alucard would get himself off?~ "
> 
> So thIS, THIS, YEP! I wrote way too much and turned it into a scenario but I promise there’s a headcanon in there somewhere! Hope you like it because I feel no regret for writing this!

Alucard was… Troubled. Not in the usual way. Not by any danger to himself or his Master or the Draculina. Not any specific problems on his mind, from his past, nothing so simple as that.

He was horny. Had been all day, ever since coming back from his mission. He’d tried to get rid of it by resting, going around the mansion, talking to Sir Integra, but nothing had worked.

The nearly 600-year-old vampire was going to have to jack off.

Alucard had sequestered himself in his room, in the basement of the Manor. Made sure Integra knew that under no circumstances would he be leaving his room tonight. He joked, alluding that it might be something dirty, but whether or not she picked up on his innuendo, she didn’t acknowledge it.

He sat in the high-backed chair, the only real piece of furniture in the basement room, and worked loose the black suit pants around his legs. As they slipped below his waist, he slipped free.

It was a more than respectable size, even for a vampire. Big enough to almost require two hands, even. He slipped the gloves off of his hands. Won’t be needing those. Alucard wrapped one hand around the base, the other cupping his sizable stones.

He was mostly quiet, running the hand around his shaft slowly. Up, down, back again, ad nauseum. He knew better than anyone else how to pace himself.

Every few strokes of his shaft, he twisted his hand on the upstroke, squeezing his balls on the downstroke. Every dozen strokes or so he stopped, holding his hand at the tip and gently rubbing it in a circle across the head, every time eliciting the slightest of shudders from the vampire.

Whenever five or ten minutes passed, he’d vary his pace. Doing everything just a little bit faster than before, or just a little bit slower.

He could always have one of his familiars do it for him, but no… This felt more natural. Felt more… Human.

Alucard would’ve preferred finding a human to help take care of this, but that was probably out of the cards for him at the moment.

Occasionally, the hand in charge of grasping at his balls would travel further south, massaging the space in between them and his ass. Every so often prodding it gently with a finger, never inserting.

Like always, he wanted to make it last.

It had been almost half an hour by now. Feeling the pressure rising in his groin, Alucard slowed. He lifted the hand not currently wrapped around his member, to his mouth. His lengthy tongue extended out, wrapping around his middle finger and wetting it as much as he could, before sliding that finger back down and slipping it inside of him.

Spurred on by the sensation, the vampire stroked his member at a much faster, more vigorous pace. This was always one of his favorite parts. He sat up a little straighter before bending forward, face now mere inches from his sizable manhood.

Alucard opened his mouth, feeling his hot breath on the tip, before reaching out with his tongue. The same tongue that wetter the finger in his backside now trailed over the head of his manhood, leaving a thick layer of saliva in its wake.

He was getting close now. Nearly an hour after starting.

He could feel the buildup, sealed his lips around the upper two or three inches of his cock. Then, like a backed-up volcano, he released. By God, did he let loose. He remained there for a minute or two, lips still wrapped around the upper portion of his cock, before slowly pulling back. The slightest bit of his juices leaked from the side of his mouth.

The No-Life King let out a sigh of relief, thusly sated. It was almost as good as drinking blood, and left him just as satisfied in the end. He cleaned up after himself as always, then sat back in his chair and waited the night away.


End file.
